I’m sitting here with my really sick baby and thinking about all I need to do writing wise (house chores have already been put on the back burner), and it hits me. I don’t have any coming up deadlines that I haven’t put on myself. I don’t work for anyone other than me. My husband works long hours so I can focus on being a writer and take care of our children. And I STILL feel stress. The book I’m writing is the biggest stress maker. I know there are people out there, albeit probably just a few, who want to read the conclusion to the Descending series sooner rather than later. I feel really bad as a writer that I’m not feeling the groove of the story. With the first two books, I had to force myself to stop writing and sleep. This go around I have to force myself to write it. I don’t want to do that! I want to FEEL the story, like I hope someone feels it later when they read it.
I have a new short I wish I had more time to work on. I have a feature I know will take at least a week to edit properly, if not longer and all of that with a really sick baby on my hands. We aren’t completly sure what’s going on. It’s not your average virus going on, but off to her regular pediatrician in about thirty minutes. I feel so bad for her. She’s usually a really happy, active baby. But the last three days she has been listless, feverish, no appetite, vomiting. Not your usual stomach bug or cold. She tested negative for flu and strep, and we know she’s teething but that doesn’t answer for all of those things together.
With all of that, I still have to take a time out and pat myself on the back. I have written and published two books (yes, I know, I’m not exactly what you’d call an “accomplished” author just yet, but still, that’s a big deal). I have gotten quite a few award statuses for my pilot script. I hope to do the same with my horror short and again with my sci-fi short later on. I do all of this while making sure kids get on the bus, are fed, loved, not kill one another, or themselves with their dare devilish adventures. Keep the house clean, laundry, dishes, animals alive, bills paid. Oh and I forgot, on my free time, I am judging films for an online film festival. I know it sounds overwhelming, but I have been making it work. And I taking this moment, right now, to tell myself “Good job.” I’m going to stop putting myself down for it, for just this one moment because we all know my anxiety wont let that slide forever, and accept that I wrote some good stuff, people enjoy it, my kids are healthy and happy, usually, my husband has clean clothes when he goes to work and the animals’ only complaint is when I can’t sit still long enough to pet them.
If you haven’t done that for yourself in a while, take a time out and do it now. Right now. That’s an order. We need it. I’m one of the lucky ones, I know there are some people doing it out there, exactly what I’m doing, alone, as a single parent. And THAT is true superhero stuff. 👏🏻 ❤️