Internal Thoughts - Read at own risk

I’m going to go off course from my usual TV and writing topics and talk (maybe rant) about something else.

Women. Moms particularly. People like to think “things are different” now, “times have changed.” But they haven’t yet. Not entirely. We are on the verge of change and different, but we aren’t there yet. Yes, I know, the same can be said about racism, but that’s a whole other topic.

Starting with careers. If you’re a mom, it seems like our careers take a back seat with children. And that’s how it should be, unfortunately. It’s true, admit it, moms. We’d take our kids to doctor appointments, school events and extracurriculars before work or your own doctor appointments. I am a writer, at home. It took me a long time to get myself to identify as a writer. Not just a mom who writes here and there or when I have time. I didn’t even have the title of writer before kids so getting myself to say I was a writer with kids was hard.

That said, I hardly get any time to write. I make sure I take advantage of any time the kids sleep or are preoccupied. I have a toddler who loves to climb on my lap and play on my iPad while I’m trying to work. My husband works long hours, two hours overtime every day. Do I enjoy the extra money, sure, of course I do! Am I envious of the fact that he can just go to any doctor appointment and call it a lunch hour when I have to make sure someone is here 20 minutes beforehand to watch my kids and then rush off and try not to feel guilty that those people are taking time out of their lives to watch my kids, especially when they are grumpy or sick. Or when they have to get them on the school bus or take them to special events for me. I try really hard not to make appointments when those special things have to occur while I’m gone, but sometimes you don’t get to pick what time and day your doctor appointments are. Especially when those doctors are extremely busy, booked for months out and so on.

All this said, I will say I hosted a mini pity party last night, but I got over it. I accepted it. I can’t give up trying to take care of myself, because then I know my kids and husband will suffer. Luckily I have a partner who understands that the kids can be difficult at times with two special needs kiddos who don’t know how to manage their emotions fully. Today, a chink has been thrown in our schedule. Not only did I have a doctor appointment today and a massage therapy (keynote THERAPY) tomorrow, but my dog may be really sick (poss renal failure) so she has an emergency vet appointment this morning. My husband is kind enough to stay home with the baby so I don’t have to manage her as well as the dog. I am really optimistic that if the dog, Birdie, is really sick, that we caught it in time to treat it and slow down any more deteriation. My cat died of renal failure a couple years ago, and that was rough. He wouldn’t tollerate any treatment though, he was a stubborn one. He also had a heart murmur and blood clots, 🙄 he was a sick cat, but he lived a long life considering. Luckily he wasn’t in any pain when he passed away. I hope that isn’t the case with my dog.

BUT I wont get lost in that.

Ladies, we have to remember that our health matters. I nearly cancelled a behavioral health appointment next week because I didn’t want to impose on anyone’s else’s busy schedule. I try so hard to use any care I need from others for appointments for the kids, but I have to remember that I’m important too. I shouldn’t sweep it to the side and say “I’ll manage.” Managing ISN’T how a person should be living. Get shit taken care of. Get it fixed, if you can. Relax if that’s what you need. Women writers, if you’re suffering from writers block, go do something for yourself. Take the time to do something special, relaxing. Read a book, take a bath, get a massage, get a pedicure/manicure. Go to the gym. All these things can get the imagination and words flowing. Don’t just sit there at the keyboard and beat yourself up for having nothing to write. Taking a day or a few hours isn’t going to make you less of a writer.

That’s all. If you read this and you’re family, don’t worry, this is just my rantings and internal thoughts. ❤️ 😊

To conclude, I’d like to THANK everyone who helps me get all this shit done. It really does take a village. I wouldn’t be writing if my husband, parents and friends didn’t support me. I wouldn’t be a healthy parent/person, without the help of them all.

THANK YOU! ❤️

​Everyone have a great Tuesday and try to remember that you’re more. You matter.