Writing HEA's without one for myself

Divorce is wild, we can agree on that, right? It's emotionally wild, at least. Everything we've ever known for the last X amount of years, for me 15, is gone overnight. Whether it was a mutual decision, your decision or the spouse's, your life changes immediately after hearing the single word; divorce. 

Six months ago, I told my husband that I wanted a divorce and since then I've gotten a new job as a house cleaner. There's a long list of reasons why I chose this type of job, mainly to do with the kids' schedules. But it means late nights, rushed mornings, finding child care during the summer when the ex wasn't available, new schedules. On top of the single parenting, special needs children and a new job, I am still trying to be an active author. 

Thankfully, school is back in session and I am able to work more hours so financially, I'm okay. For now. But mentally, I feel like I'm lacking as a person if I'm not able to write and tell my stories. It's a hard thing to balance. Reestablishing an identity is hard after over fourteen years of being just being a mom and keeping everyone alive, healthy and thriving. 

I no longer have to keep the peace in the house with someone who seems to always be sabotaging life, even if done unintentionally. I no longer have to walk on egg shells around another adult in my own home. Except around my kids that is, when they're overstimulated. 

Carving out time for me is even harder when the co-parent only wants to see the kids when I need someone to watch them for work. No real respite time. Always on duty. Even when they are with the children, I'm on call for emergencies like "you're all out of shredded cheese" or me worrying that someone didn't get their medication on time. It's a slippery slope that always seems to be really fucking muddy. But I somehow was able to complete and publish a whole book this year. I am on my way to finishing another for the new series I've been planning since before the end of The Hunt and I am so freaking excited for it. 

So, if you've read this far, thanks for hearing my updated sob story. And if you're new here, welcome to the pity party hosted by moi, Alainna MacPherson, expert in masking the trauma, anxiety and auto-immune diseases who writes to escape it. HEA's are my jam. Even if that's likely not going to happen for me. A girl can dream. 

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