We Aren't What We Write...or read...or narrate

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“Have you ever tried that [enter spicy line from book] in the bedroom?”

I’m sure most of us romance authors have heard similar questions at some point in our writing career. Either from a fan or a friend wanting to know if you are in fact just as kinky in the bedroom as your characters. I’m not sure about you, but I usually just disregard the question, maybe even ignore it. Why entertain something that is none of their business? But, what if it’s a loved one, a signigicant other, who wants to know why you’re not like that in the bedroom. Or, worse, has a problem with you writing or narrating such scenes?

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We've grown since Fifty Shades...
well, some of us have.

It’s hard to explain to people that we aren’t what we write. That, we too, are in the fantasy world when we write it, like readers are when they read it. A lot of us authors tell the story from the characters point of view, not our own experiences. When we write a particular spicy scene, we pull from research of some kind. It could be a Google search that will likely put us on some sort of watch list.

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Or from books we’ve read in the past. There are some authors who have actual experience in some of the scenes they write, and that’s their own business. Why do people feel like they are owed an explaination as to where we get our inspiration from?

Most fans don’t actually need one, and we appreciate those the most. Of course, there are some fans who also send death threats to writers because we killed off a favorite character, too. And for those, we ask that you remember that it’s fiction.

Consent Is Sexy

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Take A Scene From Your Book

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Depending on whether or not you have a healthy relationship with good communication, a discussion between two adults must happen. However, if one person is shaming another because they don’t want to try it even though they write it, the other person should respect that. If someone reads, writes, or narrates it, despite some peoples’ assumptions, it is not an advertisement for wanting it.
Some people feel that by adding their voice to a character in a romance book with spicy scenes, they must be in an open marriage. Why record such things if you didn’t want it?

Now, wait a damn minute. This sounds way too familiar.

By Rachel Hatch, March 27, 2019
​Illinois State University Newspaper

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I wish it weren’t true, but there are some men and women out there who do not understand the concept of separation between the art and the artist. Sometimes, it’s political or morale based. For instance, you wouldn’t want to listen to a singer’s music because they support white supremacy, not simply because they are from a different political group. Otherwise, writers are NOT what we write between the sheets.  It’s best to assume that from the get go. 

Because most of us are women in this industry, it only adds to the chauvinistic crap we face already on a daily basis. Female narrators aren’t looking for other potential partners in the bedroom by reading “why choose” or narrating books with spicy material.

The Many Shades of Censorship

Telling a significant other what they can or can’t do, is, to say the least, controling behavior, we can all agree on that, right? So, why do some people feel it’s okay to say you can’t write or narrate something simply based on the fact that it’s “not appropriate.”

I’ve got news for people who feel this way: they are a grown ass adult, capable of making their very own decisions. Putting a cap on one’s art;

voice acting, writing, drawing, whatever, is never sexy. Perhaps, if you have these feelings, might I suggest you seek counseling to dig deep into your childhood trauma or mommy issues because tying your partner’s hands behind their backs is only okay in a consensually pleasing, pre-discussed way.

female writers

what were you wearing

censorship

chauvinism